Standing Up

I have had a very rocky relationship with my ability to stand up for what I believe in. I feel like in a very real way, for a lot of my life, I’ve allowed myself to be a pushover when it came to big problems but was often stubborn and probably insufferable when it came to small things. Maybe that was because where I felt powerless in big situations I made up by being a knob about small things. Last year I had a life changing moment however, where I made a decision that was borderline vindictive while at the same time a step in the direction of caring about myself. I won’t get into the details here but long story short I hurt someone who had proven time and time again that they were OK hurting me. I still don’t know if I stand by what I did really, but, I do believe it was a very big step for me in deciding that I matter as much as anyone else.

Since then I have been exploring this idea and what it means to me. I have been discovering a real ability within myself to stand by what I believe which is a very new feeling. Before, I had a really bad habit of always feeling like whatever someone else said, or whatever I said, that they were probably the one that was right. I hated this feeling and I am so glad I am learning how to let go of it. I feel more liberated to make decisions and not care so much about what other people say about them. I do still very much believe in listening to people and being able to learn from experiences that aren’t your own but I no longer default to assuming other people are right. I can weigh all of the evidence, other people’s and my own, when deciding what I think is right.

So now that I’ve learned to stand up for things, I’m now struggling to decide in what situations it is called for and in what situations it is more appropriate to find common ground or “keep the peace.” I won’t lie, a lot of me is inclined to believe that it is never appropriate to “keep the peace” when the topic is big, when it’s climate change, when it’s acknowledging the suffering of black communities, basically when it’s morality. A favorite quote of mine (that I do not mean to sound arrogant in saying because I know I am not always right) is something to the effect of “ignorance flourishes when those who are wise remain silent.” Maybe the only time that it is appropriate to keep the peace is when it’s stupid things like what car is the coolest or whether or not John Stamos is the hottest person to ever live (bad example, this is totally also a big moral issue that I WILL fight you over). Staying silent and listening when given the evidence of a situation you realize you may actually not know something is most definitely important too.

I suppose then that I do already know the answer to my conundrum, I just don’t like it because I’m not comfortable with all of the repercussions of it. Standing up for what you believe in means you absolutely will lose friends, it means you will not always be the most liked in a party, depending on the party. These are things very unfamiliar and uncomfortable to a people pleaser which I have been up until now. That all being said, the trade offs are invaluable. You will no longer feel worthless, you will no longer feel like your opinions don’t matter. If you have a good head on your shoulders, you will be able to be a voice of reason when reason is not in the room. Maybe not the most important to the world but most certainly invaluable to one’s self, standing up for yourself will mean that the people who are in your life, will be the one’s who should be there.

I really enjoy writing these, not only because I am glad I am learning to write but also it’s so helpful to me to be able to put my ideas down in a more concrete form. I am learning about myself as I type these posts. I hope whoever is reading my work enjoys them enough to want to read more of them. I really hope I can be a solid voice of positive change in this world. For now I am just going to keep trying my best and putting myself out there. Sending my love to anyone who needs it. I’ll see you next week. ❤