Polyamory

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I know many people will disagree with me here, even in the polyamory community, but I truly think that poly is the next step in the evolution of human romantic relationships. Much the same way that relationships for the sake of love were the next step from relationships for the exchange of property (with women being treated as property back then which was beyond disgusting and sadly it continues in many cultures today). I believe that poly is a much more healthy way for humans to exist. I also believe that the jealousy we feel when dealing with our partners being with someone else comes from our own insecurities and literally nothing else. I believe we have made a solid effort at rationalizing that jealousy and monogamy are somehow “sweet” and desirable, but truly, I don’t think this is the case. If jealousy, and therefore the desire for monogamy, does in fact come solely from insecurities, then it is in our best interest to not create our ideals around it but instead work past our insecurities.

Because of my view of love, I think we grossly misunderstand adultery. I think adultery is what happens when people with very strong poly drives grow up in a society that praises monogamy. We put said people between a rock and a hard place, and I believe those people are truthfully most people, it’s just that some people are better at forcing themselves to feel unfulfilled than others. Biology has shown that our romance hormones do not usually persist though our entire lives for any individual person, but rather they come in waves. This makes sense for our evolution because it would allow for diverse and abundant procreation. Since we are not wired for monogamy, trying to force monogamy creates a serious problem for both for individuals and society as a whole. I truly believe this is why so many relationships fail, it’s not a lack of trying, it’s being set up for failure. Judge a fish by their ability to climb a tree and it’ll live it’s life feeling like a failure.

I get people’s desire to cling onto old ideas of what love is, I mean, it can feel so right in a moment, and it’s also very hard to see things in such a contrasting way compared to how we’ve seen them since forever… but I am honestly here begging you, please, try to see the world through a lens other than the one you’ve looked through your whole life. I really think this is a huge structural problem in our society, we put so much stress on one person to be our ” everything” when they just don’t have to be, there are so many people around us, all of whom can offer different things. Want a lover to play music with, you got one, want one to play chess with, you got one, want one to sail across the Atlantic with, you got one. We don’t have to compromise. You might say ” well you’re just being immature wanting everything, love is about sacrifice” and to that I say, no, just because sacrifice is sometimes a part of relationships does not mean you have to go looking for sacrifice, and what the hell is wrong with wanting to experience as much of life as possible? Nothing, nothing is wrong with it.

I really want to do more research on this topic and more importantly live it in my life, but all that will come in time. I truly hope for a world where poly (and also unrelated but related, non gender centric relationships) are the norm. It makes me so sad seeing so many people experience heart ache when I just can’t help but think it all boils down to a broken system and an absolutely ungrounded expectation of ourselves and relationships. If we’d just take two seconds and look within ourselves at what causes us to desire the relationships that we do, we could see there is a rhyme and reason to it and it’s called human psychology, and in better understanding psychology, we can better understand ourselves and maybe learn to pursue things that are much more holistically fulfilling.

P.S. I want to say I have another theory: maybe we could make monogamy work if we designed an A.I. that could help us find the person that is our absolute best match but idk if that could work. I believe if it is possible, A.I. would be able to figure it out. Maybe poly is the step between now and then.